Running

So I am trying very hard to be healthy and active. Since we live in Eugene (also known as Track Town USA), I have felt inspired to become a runner. Well, not so much a runner, probably more of a jogger. This 4th of July, I entered James and I into our first 5K. My expectation were actually very low and I figured if I ran it halfway, I would be very proud of myself. We arrived at the beginning point of the race and my people watching skills (read, making fun of people in my head) were in full force. There were the very serious runners who warmed up for what seemed to be an hour, stretching, jumping in the air, sprinting, just doing all sorts of crazy stuff. They were decked out in their Nike gear from head to toe (Eugene is also known as Nike Town USA) and just ready to conquer the world....err race. Then you had the other end of the spectrum of the walkers (they walked 4 miles). This was a lot less serious of a crowd (my type of crowd) but some just were not serious enough. There were some people who showed up in jeans. Jeans. Jeans in July. Jeans on a 4 miles walk. There was also one family who were dressed in dresses from the FLDS catalog (actually, I think that there may be a FLDS ranch around here, because I see families like them everywhere). My favorite though, was a group of moms out with their strollers about to walk their first walk in years. They came prepared with a bunch of bananas, protein bars, cheese sticks, rice cakes, crackers, bottled waters, Gatorade, juice, and coffee. There were six in this group, three of which were not old enough to walk yet. I would like to remind you again this was for a 4 mile walk. I don't know. Maybe they were preparing for an earthquake or something.
So we are getting set for the race to begin and you can feel the excitement in the air. I put on my Ipod and James does the same and we are off. There are two things that I would like to point out here. I am now convinced that God is in charge of your Ipod shuffle playlist since the perfect songs came up at the perfect times. Number 2, people are a**holes at the beginning of the race. The gun goes off and James and I are being pushed, shoved, elbowed and kicked. It took a moment for this to settle in before my fighting spirit came into effect and I began to do the same. I followed James as he navigated through the crowd while my Ipod played Ludacris' "Move B*tch, Get out the Way" (It is a very catchy tune for those of you not familiar with the song) Anyhoo, after about 10 minutes James and I found a spot for ourselves in the pact and it was on.
The first water station came up, which was a good thing since I was so dehydrated I was drinking my own spit (I had not had anything to drink that morning because I forgot my water bottle at home). I was focusing on my run, and I saw the more experienced runners drinking and running at the same time, so I figured, I can do this. I grabbed a cup and tried to drink the water I so desperately needed. That was not one of my better ideas. I looked like a person who just had their entire mouth numb with Novocaine and then trying to drink water. I got nothing in my mouth and everything down the front of my tank top and running pants (both Nike, I would like to point out!). I then had to make a split second decision and decide if I was going to follow the running crowd and just throw the cup on the ground, or keep up with the environmental crowd that was dumping the empty cups in the trash. I dumped mine in the trash since there were people out there with camera's and I was too scared that I would be on the front page od the Register Guard tastelessly littering on the streets of Eugene. I also was still dehydrated, but did not know the acceptable social mores of drinking more than one cup of water during a run at the same water station, so I continued on thirsty as hell.
We take off past the water station and move onto the open road where the sun is beating down on our backs. I am thirsty, cramping and now extremely hot. I start to slow down to walk and indicate to James that he can keep on going without me. He did not need a lot of convincing to leave me by myself (I think I run a much slower pace than he is used to). Anyhoo, I see him take off and up pops a new song on my Ipod. It is none other than MC Hammer "Too Legit to Quit". (Stop laughing right now. I do not know why I love Hammer so much, but his songs pump me up while exercising). I begin to run again and I see James only a few feet away from me, but decide not to run quickly to catch up since I would enjoy setting my own pace.
I begin to look around at my new running buddies and start laughing when I see this man with his "partner" power walking in some nutters "aka: very short shorts". I really can not describe in accurate terms how silly this looked, or how even the most manliest of men could not look athletic while swinging their hips to and fro on their impressive power walking pace. I saw a fireman up ahead (Hello!), and some college students. Now I really did not have a desire to catch up to James! We hit the second water station ( I stopped to chug some very needed H2O and I took a second cup. F*ck social mores. At this point, I am close to collapsing) and I caught my second wind. I decided to catch up to Mr. Fireman and set him into my sights. Before long, I pull up next to Mr. Fireman and came up to two depressing thoughts. One, I was keeping pace (just barely) with the fireman who was in full uniform, including boots, jacket, pants and helmet, holding a large pole carrying an even larger American Flag. Two, the men who were power walking were still ahead of me.
The last mile hit and I was hot, I was tired, and I was over running. I kept wanting to stop to walk, but there were so many people cheering on the sidelines that I felt stupid to just stop right in front of them. Just then my Ipod shuffled to The Toadies "Possum Kingdom". The lead singer is asking me "Do you want to die" and I am thinking to myself, yes, I want to die. Then again "Do you want to die." Again, my answer has not changed. Then for the powerful note "DO YOU WANT TO DIE" Yes! I am screaming in my head. Yes, I want to die! Not only do I want to die at this point and time, I think that there may a distinct possibility that I am very close to death. The people on the sideline continue to cheer on and I am thinking to myself "F*ck Off! It sure is easy to just stand there and cheer isn't it!" (I was no longer in a good mood in case you could not tell). Then, from the sidelines, I heard the best news of my life. "You are almost there!. Just a little bit more" A smile came onto my face (actually, I don't know if you could actually call it a smile since I had severe pant going on, but my intent was to smile). Just then, the Ipod shuffled to Journey "Don't Stop Believin'" and that is how I finished my race.
After I finished my race, I encountered a lot of questions. The main one was "How did you do?" I am thinking to myself "Pretty f*cking good. I finished" But what people really want to know is "What was your time?" Why do you need to know that? I FINISHED, and really, isn't THAT the most important thing? Evidently not. So to answer your question, I averaged about a 10 minute mile. To me, that is not too shabby. To the average runner, that is not too impressive. Oh well.
There are two sidenotes on that day that need to be pointed out. One, my husband, who I love dearly, but only exercises twice a year, beat me by 3 minutes. I was more than annoyed, since my ass is at the gym 4 to 6 times a week. Second, the race was my idea. I registered us, I got us there, got all the information, etc. Who do you think got their picture taken for their website featuring the Butte to Butte? That's right. Mr. James Blackwood himself. I thought he looked pretty damn good running, but I would have liked some photographic evidence that I ran this event. There is always next year. The photographer, unfortunatley is charging an insane amount of money to get one picture, so I can not share it with you, but here is the link to his picture (and no, the woman in front of him is not me!)
http://www.backprint.com/view_user_event.asp?PID=bp%1BxFw&EVENTID=38078&PWD=&BIB=4526