Christmas letter 2010

Wow. And we thought 2009 was a bad year! To settle it once and for all, no, you were not cut from the Christmas card list last year (ok, dad?). During this time last year, we felt that 2009 had been a tough year for us and couldn’t find the humor for our Christmas Card. HAHAHAHAHA, oh, how funny things can be in prospective. This year, we are going to focus on the positives. I am on glass (bottle?) two and on the first paragraph. This should be interesting…

Well somehow James and I have been able to raise one of the sweetest most selfless little girls on the planet. Her friend Jasmyn had been going through chemo treatments for 18 months so she decided to cut her very long hair in June. She is enjoying her shorter hair but really does not like it when the mom’s tell her she has the same haircut that they do (it is a very popular cut!). She is also loosing teeth at an astronomical rate which is both exciting and entirely gross at the same time. At any given time, her smile can be compared to the lovely women in the Tenderloin district looking for a man named John. As we watch our little girl turn into a big kid, we have learned a lot as parents. The main thing that we have learned is that the tooth fairy assigned to 102 Bampton Ct can’t seem to get her %$#@ together every time Alyssa looses a tooth. In the tooth fairy’s defense, I must say that Alyssa has this very unusual habit of loosing her teeth at about 10pm at night causing lots of “miscommunication” to occur between the Blackwood house and Tooth Fairy land. I feel like I need to sit the main tooth fairy down and have her execute a memo regarding what is and is not expected when handling the tooth versus cash transaction. All the tooth fairies really need to be on the same page regarding the tooth/cash transaction and the current value each tooth has in today’s market. For instance, Alyssa came home and said “Suzie is really mad because she has never got 20 dollars for a tooth before, but she gets fairy sprinkle dust on her dollar. And Megan is mad because she has never got 20 dollars for a tooth before AND she doesn’t get a dollar with fairy dust on it, but she gets a gold coin under her pillow when she looses a tooth”. I then have to explain the reason she got 20 dollars for the tooth was because her tooth fairy forgot three days in a row to stop by, and on the 4th day when she finally remembered, she realized that a $20 bill was all that she had and when she kept texting her neighbor fairies, they would not answer their damn phone, so she got lucky and scored 20 bucks out of it. The reason there was not fairy dust was due to the major fairy dust shortage that is going on in fairy land which is equivalent to the energy crisis that blares on tv every day. As far as the gold coin, to be quite frank, our tooth fairy didn’t even know the U.S. government issued legal gold coins. Plus it was tooth number 4, and EVERYBODY knows that when you lose your 4th tooth, that is the most special one and that is why she received the coveted $20 bill.

When our time is not devoted to having extensive conversations with the tooth fairy, we are trying to control our boy crazy daughter and remind her that she is 7 and not 17. Her boyfriend list gets longer by the day and now we have to write a letter to Santa to try to figure out how to get Justin Beiber under the tree. She sat James and I down a few weeks ago and told us that she wasn’t going to ask us for one thing for Christmas from us because of everything our family is going through right now. As my eyes filled with tears and my throat got tight she then said in the same breath that she is just going to ask Santa to bring her an IPhone for Christmas. I knew I didn’t lose my little materialistic girl for long

Jimmy. My sweet, innocent, little boy Jimmy. James got this wild idea in his head that Jimmy may be “babied” too much for his liking and that we needed to put him into Pop Warner full pad football for his Kindergarten year. Of course I agreed! What mom wouldn’t want to see their little boy in his cute little football uniform with his name proudly displayed on his back. Obviously, I did not think this through past the getting him into a cute little uniform portion of the football season. I would like to report that he is looking like the next Joe Montana of his generation, however, considering that his coach and other football parents will be receiving this card, I will honestly have to report that he is looking more like the next Rudy of his generation. His 1.5 hours of practice on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday’s (not combined people, EACH DAY) plus games every Sunday from August through November did teach him a bunch about the game, but you can’t teach talent folks. If I had to pick one defining moment in my son’s football season this year I would probably have to note that the highlight of the season for me came when I got kicked out of football practice. Yep, you read that correctly. Let me paint the scene really quick. Jimmy got the answer wrong to a question his coach asked him so he had to take a lap. Well, this was his 4th lap in a row and he cried the entire time running that lap. As his little bobble head swayed side to side trying to hold the weight of the huge helmet, he took that last curve in the ¼ mile track and it became too much for me to watch. It was a sweltering 76 degrees outside and as they broke for a water break, my son ran into my arms crying that he wanted to go home. As any responsible parent would do, I gathered up our chairs and water bottles and began to leave with my baby (big boy, dammit, big boy) in my arms. His coach ran over to us and said to me “Steph, this isn’t working”. I agreed completely with his statement and apologized for wasting his time. He then tore my son out of my arms (ok, so more likely gently lifted him from my grasp, but I like my version better). He explained that Jimmy was fine, it was me who was the problem. As he was speaking his gibberish to me, I could not comprehend what he was saying so I finally blurted out “Are you kicking me out of practice?” His response? “Yes, Stephanie, that is exactly what I am doing”. Well, like any classy woman of my caliber would have done in this situation I raised my head up, let go of my son and walked away while whispering (yelling?) some choice words that may or may not have caused me to donate a heavy fee into the bad word jar (there may or may not have been some hand gestures to go along with these words, but I am not at liberty to say at this point and time). I AM happy to report that Jimmy did finish the entire season, and I am also happy to report that I was totally invited to the end of the year pizza party (but really wasn’t invited to anything before that).

Which leaves us to James and I. In keeping with the positives notes, we will only focus on the positive things for the year. Hmmm, well, James was employed for ¾ of the year. That’s positive. I was a stay at home mom for ¾ of the year. That’s positive. Our marriage is pretty solid. Look at that, we are on a roll here. After an almost 5 year hiatus, I went back to work for an amazing company called Alacrity Services. It is very similar to what I was doing before, only now I manage contractors instead of body shops. I currently work two jobs, a chair for 2 different non profits and an active member of the Junior League. This ridiculously busy schedule now gives me a justified excuse for any future botox treatments that I receive! People ask why I work I continue to work two jobs. Well, for one, I may be the most loyal person in the world. Pottery Barn stepped up in one of the scariest times of my life and I will not leave them during the height of holiday shopping. Plus, I want some ammo when the kids get older and complain about something. I will be quick to throw in their face “I worked TWO JOBS so that you could have everything you wanted when daddy was out of work!” (The reality is I work two jobs so that I can have nice furniture, but we will keep that between you and me). James is at home living the life of a kept man, eating bonbons on the couch (actually, he tells me everyday he can’t get anything done, the kids make constant messes, he has no time for anything else, and that he can’t wait to get a job.) If nothing else, it has been a very eye opening role reversal for the both of us.

2010 may have been a hard year for The Blackwood’s but we have learned a lot of things about ourselves. We truly have the most amazing family and friends that anybody could ever ask for. I would not have a job without our friends, James would not have the leads he has without our friends and we would not be able to have the schedule we have without our friends. Eugene has truly become our home, but the support we have received from Eugene, The Bay and Southern California and beyond has been nothing but humbling. On a more sobering note James and I lost a dear friend last year after the holidays who had decided his time on earth should end. This heartbreaking decision left us whirling with emotions and wondering if he knew how truly loved he was. If you are receiving this card and letter, it is because you have touched our lives in an amazing way and though we may not take the time to tell you on a regular basis, you mean the world to us! A few weeks ago I lost a friend (one of my best friends sister) suddenly. Life can change in a blink of an eye which we learn every year. We may not know where life is going to take us in 2011 but we know that we will have an amazing support system guiding us along the way. In looking towards the positive, we welcomed a beautiful new niece, countless babies from our best friends (damn, those Catholics can produce!), and learned how loved we are by many. James is becoming Catholic and 2011 and Alyssa is going through her 1st communion. 2011 may not be our year, but here is to it being a better year than 2010. Cheers! Happy Holidays from our home to yours.

Love:


The Blackwoods

Christmas letter 2008

Hello from the Blackwoods. Happy Holidays to all. I can not believe that another year has gone by. Wow, how time flies. We have been in Eugene, Oregon for almost 3 years now and it is undeniably our home. We have a great life here and are very lucky with our extended family in Eugene.

Last year James was a little hurt that he was not included that much in the Holiday letter. This year, I decided to dedicate the entire Blackwood Holiday letter to James and his year. He was able to take me to Maui in January due to his supreme performance at Aramark (a performance that he completed again this year winning another trip to Maui for January 2009). In April, we decided that two children were blessings enough and decided to not have any more children (take that for what you will, I will not be spelling it out for you!). James was ever the trooper and took one (two?) for the team. Oh, there is James yelling out from the living room. He no longer wants the letter to be about him. Needless to say, I will never look at a bag of frozen peas the same way again!!! James did have a stellar year at Aramark though, and was able to move his company to another building just a few weeks ago. Life with him has been very good.

Alyssa. Oh, where do I start with that girl. She will be 6 this April going on 16. No, really, her only two wishes in life are to 1. Get a dog (not going to happen) 2. Be 16 years old. She went through her first rite of passage this year and got her ears pierced. She then immediately proceeded to ask when she could get her belly button pierced. Oh Dear. How do I answer this without sounding hypocritical? How about after you are finished having children and your stomach has been stretched from here to New York . If you are able to look past the stretch marks and distorted belly button, I will have no problems with you piercing your belly button. She did not seem to like that answer. She has already decided what type of car she wants for her 16th birthday (a car with no top on it, read: a convertible), who she wants to date (one of the Jonas brothers, I can’t keep their names straight), and what other boys are available to date if the Jonas Brothers are no longer available. Anybody who has been around her this year knows that she is very boy crazy. She has also become quite the social butterfly and party organizer (ironically, this is more of her father in her than me). I do not mind a get together every once in awhile, but she plans one every other day. I get to cancel all of the parties she plans on the playground when she invites 20+ kids over for a slumber party/sneaker party/movie party/high school musical party, or whatever themed party she comes up with that day. May seem cute until I get to tell some poor 5 year old that my daughter was mistaken and no, we are not having a party where I am hosting 20 children overnight because there is not enough alcohol in the world for me to induce in order to undertake that kind of torture. She is a very sweet young lady though with a very high moral standard and follows all of the rules (unless they are mine). Her current favorite sayings are “Chillax mom” (a combination of chill and relax) her inner 16 year old talking and “You said a bad word” her inner police officer talking.

Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. If I do not have an ulcer yet from Alyssa, than Jimmy will surely step in and provide that last dose to push me over the edge. It took some time (a very long, long time) but he was finally potty trained this year. He too went through his first rite of passage as a boy, which evidently is making bodily function noises at all times of the day by any means possible. This usually comes when I am at the middle of shopping at the grocery checkout lane with a few other customers and makes said noises (he does this by blowing on his arm really hard; he is a precious one that boy) and then points to me and yells on the top of his lungs “Mommy tooted”. As I look around, red faced, trying to convince my fellow shoppers, that no, mommy does not do that because she has class, I whisper something very special into my son’s ear which is then promptly followed by a yell by Alyssa screaming “You said a baaaaaaaaad word!”. Needless to say, I do not go grocery shopping with my children anymore. Jimmy has a very sweet, yet mischievous temperament. He is also an inquisitive young man with his favorite saying being “Why?”. His questions are never ending and have me constantly evaluating how in the world I was ever able to receive a college degree with the obvious limited knowledge I have on useless information. Case in point, I pointed out to him how wonderful and green our garden was this spring. Of course he wanted to know why it was so green. I don’t know. Something having to do with photosynthesis or something, I replied. “What is photosymfasis” he asked. Oh, Geez, I don’t remember, something to do with the sun and the plants. “Why” he asks again. I don’t know, look it up on the computer. “I don’t know how to use computer” he responds. Well then, I guess that it is a good question to ask your teacher (yep, I am that kind of mom). When I am not constantly being berated by his questions, he likes to push me even closer to the edge with his personal quest to break a bone, any bone, in his body. If he is not riding down an icy driveway on a razor scooter, he is diving from the couch to the wall to see if he can stick to it like spider man. Just yesterday I caught him putting his head in the Christmas tree stand and trying to tighten the screws so that he can intentionally get his head stuck in the stand (why there is no Christmas tree in it is a story for another day my friends!). Chasing after him is more than a full time job. He started preschool this year at the Catholic school Alyssa attends, so at least I have some time to calm down before the bell rings.

Mom. Well, not much to tell except that even after almost 6 years, still trying to figure out this whole mom thing out. Just when I think I have it down, there are some other moms around to prove you wrong. This summer I got into a conversation with two other moms who were explaining to me how upset they get when they hear children say “What the…”. I replied “What the what. What did your kids say” salivating because my kids may not be the only children on the block who accidentally come up with a cuss word. They explained to me that they did not put a cuss word after the statement, it is only that a cuss word is IMPLIED after saying “What the…” that makes it a bad word. I looked on bewildered because I had no idea that implying a bad word makes that a bad word. I thought saying a bad word was the cardinal sin. As they shook their heads at me with pure pity on their faces I learned two things. 1. Their kids are not coming over to play at my house, because I use “What the….” all the time in my household and I DO finish it with a quote unquote bad word. I am like Mad Libs with that statement. It is like, what kind of cuss word can I put at the end of this statement today? It is really fun. You should try it sometime. 2. Yet again, I am no longer a contender for mother of the year (and if that did not disqualify me, the fact that Alyssa knows the entire song to “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it” should be the nail in the coffin!) Oh well. Even if I can’t hold my head held high in a grocery store because people think I expel bodily function and cuss like a sailor from my children’s antics I know one thing. I do have the perfect family. I have a supportive husband and two kids who are perfect in my eyes (cue in the awwws now).

We hope everybody had a good year. We know that 2008 was not kind to many of our friends and family, but if ever there is a time to show how special you are in our lives, that time is now. We love and appreciate you all, and hope that 2009 will make everybody’s dreams come true. If you are on Facebook, you can find both me and James on it and if you enjoy getting these Christmas letters, you can check out our blog at:

www.blackwoodsblogtales.blogspot.com.

Sincerely,
The Blackwoods

Christmas letter 2007

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or Just Festivous to all of our wonderful family and friends! The Blackwood’s have had a wonderful year full of travels, parties, weddings, and school functions. We have traveled to the Bay Area 9 times, spent a total of 6 weeks in the LA/San Diego area, been to Las Vegas 4 times, a week in Cabo San Lucas, and traveled the greater Northwest (Bend, Diamond Lake, Portland, and Seattle) just to name a few places. We have been to 17 weddings in 18 months, and yet still have found the time to fall in love with our new hometown of Eugene. James and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary together this year, and have gone through some body transformations. All in all, it has been a very good year!

This has been the first full year that I have been a stay-at-home mom and I must confess that this is a really hard job. I have found that my competitive drive that I had in the work field has followed me onto the playground scene. This first realization hit me in February when my not-quite 2 year old son was playing with a 2 year old girl and her mom was shocked that my son was not potty trained (he will be 3 in March and is still not potty trained. DO NOT JUDGE ME PEOPLE! This was a lot easier when daycare did it for Alyssa). I quickly taught my son to respond by saying blue when I pointed to a color. The next time I met up with this mom, I pointed to something that was blue and asked Jimmy to respond with the correct color. When he responded “blue” the other mom became horrified that her daughter did not know her colors yet. I gave her a reassuring smile and told her that I am sure that her daughter was fine, but it was probably wise to make a doctor’s appointment just to make sure. I mentally flipped her off with both of my middle fingers while walking away from her. I bet she does not try to make me feel like an inadequate mother again.

This year has also taught me a lesson about the toy industry. 2007 will go down as the year of the famous toy recalls. Every morning the first thing I do is click on PerezHilton.com (err, I mean cnn.com or something educational like that). After reading the morning news, I find out that another toy has been recalled. I am well versed on the 1200 different types of toys that have been recalled. You want to know why? We have 1198 of them! Want to hear a confession? I have not returned one of these toys. So much of my time has been wasted reading about all of the toy recalls that occur on a day to day basis, that I do not have time to run down to the post office every 2 hours to return the next toy on the list. I attempted to return a toy I saw that had been recalled and there is all sorts of red tape you have to go through in order to get another toy that has hopefully (but not always the case) been painted with good paint. So you go to the website and they want you to look at the box the toy came in and if it has serial number x, and it has been purchased between such and such date, and it has been purchased at a few specific stores, than it is part of the recall. Uh, hello? Is there anybody out there that saves every box from every toy ever purchased? I know, I know, you think that I can easily just throw out the affected toys if that is the case. There is nothing easy about that proposition. Are you going to explain and deal with the wrath of my children when there is no Thomas the Train or Dora paraphernalia to entertain them any longer? I did not think so. Bottom line, if you have a child that has a tendency to suck on toys covered with lead based paint, it is probably not a good idea to come to our home.

Alyssa is going to Catholic school full time right now for Pre-Kindergarten. I am learning the blessings and downfalls of sending my child to Catholic school. The greatest blessing is if she acts up, all I have to do is ask “Is Jesus in your heart right now when you say these things to me?” I find that the fear of GOD can straighten her right up! The downfall is my child likes to give me a good dose of Catholic guilt whenever I choose to use a word (or a string of cuss words, which is a better way to explain it, because once I start swearing it is like I have Tourettes Syndrome or something. I physically can not stop it! It is not very becoming of a mother). She is like a Police Officer with all of her corrections, but a very girly girl Police Officer. She has to wear a skirt or dress everyday, and must have her accessories (which include a fake Barbie cell phone, sunglasses, necklaces, and Barbie heels, all with her matching pink purse) with her at all times. I have to do her hair every morning and if she does not like it, she tells me I need to do it again (I never succumb to her demands however, and usually begin doing that cuss word thing I just explained about when she talks to me like that. It becomes a vicious cycle.) I have been told on more than one occasion that she reminds people of Paris Hilton. Ohhhhh lucky me! She likes to correct them though and advise that she is like Hannah Montana, not that Paris girl. Since Hannah Montana is supporting her family at the grand old age of 13, I can definitely handle her as an inspiration to my daughter.

Jimmy is growing up so fast. He will be at Alyssa’s school next year as well (cross your fingers). He has been showing his stubborn side though lately, as we try to do the potty training thing. It is not like he does not like the bathroom. He lives in the bathroom. It is his favorite room to torture me in our home. His favorite pastimes include finding as many objects around the home to flush down the toilet (half the time he is successful, half the time the toilet overflows), getting baby powder and throwing it all over the bathroom to represent “snow” and gathering all of the towels and wash clothes, stuffing them in the sink, and then running water over them until the sink overflows. I read somewhere that he may be afraid of the toilet and I “need to make a game of going potty”. I threw in some Cheerios into the toilet and he just flushed them down. He then proceeded, when I was not looking mind you, to dump the entire contents of the Cheerios box into the toilet and flush. Can you believe that every last Cheerio from the box went down in one flush? So after that unsuccessful lesson, I read that he may have grown too accustomed to his diaper and I need to just take it of and allow him to “be free.” Can you guess what happened next? He was like a puppy in a new home, marking up his territory everywhere he went. Maybe I should follow the puppy potty training techniques and spray him in the face with a spray bottle every time he pees on my floor/wall/couch. That probably isn’t an accepted technique, but it sure as hell will make me feel better.

This year has been very informative for me as a stay at home mom. Here are some highlights:
1. Getting called into the Principles office at Alyssa’s school, not for something that she did, but for something that I did. I must say, it takes a lot of talent to get called into the Principles office 10 years after graduating from High School.
2. Having to clean up my child’s car sickness after forgetting to pack wipes and towels for the 8 hour car trip. I improvised with antiseptic wipes from the Emergency Kit, like any other rational mom would do (actually, James did all of the cleaning while I did most of the gagging). I am telling you, you have not truly traveled until you have traveled with 2 children under the age of 5… in a car the smells of a mixture of puke and rubbing alcohol… with two broken windows that don’t roll down.
3. Having my daughter tell me that she is having HOT FLASHES (yes, she is 4), and that I must get the air conditioning fixed before she DIES (with her hand over her forehead and her eyes fluttering. Think somebody spends a lot of time with her multiple grandmothers and honorary grandmothers?

After all is said and done though, I find that I am actually enjoying staying at home with my children (at least I thought I did until I wrote this letter). They are cute kids, who are moderately behaved, and continue to amaze us with their growing personalities. James and I are truly blessed with our lives, and I can not think of one thing that I would change about it. James had a very successful year with Aramark, and continues to enjoy his time with his market center. We have made some really great friends here (does anybody else make jello shots during play dates? Oh you don’t, umm, neither do we). We have become huge Oregon Duck fans and try to get in as many games as possible. James has enjoyed quite a few ESPN Game Day events and hosting more than a few tailgates. Thank God his bar-b-que skills are so great. He single handedly has made us the most popular couple at the games. That and all the alcohol we always give out. I do know how lucky I am to have him.

We miss you all and hope that you have had a wonderful 2007 followed by an even greater 2008. Keep in touch. We love to get updates as well. Our door is always open, come and visit us anytime.
Love always,
The Blackwood’s
James IV, Stephanie, Alyssa, and Jimmy V

Email: Steph_Blackwood@yahoo.com

P.S. Do you think it is wrong that I used the address labels for the Christmas cards that different charities have sent us when asking for donations, and we have never donated to them? I feel kind of guilty.
P.P.S Did anybody else notice the strategically placed star on our Christmas card that covers my new cleavage line. I bet you all look at the Christmas card one more time to see what I am talking about.

Tooth Fairy

Tooth Fairy

Alyssa is hitting that oh so cute yet oh so awkward stage of the snaggle tooth smile. She has now lost 6 teeth including her two front teeth, and four bottom front teeth. Pretty much everyday, a child in her class has lost a tooth. Alyssa and her classmates have discovered that I can NOT stomach wiggly teeth. It literally makes me want to throw up when I see a kid messing with their teeth with their tongue and it hanging by a thread ( a bloody, meaty thread, oh…I am about to throw up right now). Anyway, because I positively can not handle wiggly teeth and will not Alyssa play with her teeth in front of me, it is not at all surprising that she has lost almost all of her teeth at school (there are teachers that “pluck” the teeth right out. Seriously, even typing this is making me nauseous).

Every tooth that has fallen out has pretty much led to a disaster. Alyssa lost her FIRST tooth, on her BIRTHDAY and we were beyond excited. Her Aunt and Uncle had come into town for a visit and her birthday party was the next day. We were beyond excited for her since she was one of the later ones to have lost a tooth and talked about how special it was because it happened, ON HER BIRTHDAY. So we take her out for her birthday dinner and get back home and begin to set everything out for the tooth fairy. This is a pretty big deal in the Blackwood household since she is our oldest and this was a first for us as well. So she goes to bed and I begin to visit with my in-laws while stuffing goodie bags for the next day and getting everything ready for the birthday party (alcohol may have been consumed during this time as well, however, I will plead the 5th until the day I die over this). We finish up with the birthday stuff, say good night to my in laws and go to bed. We wake up the next morning to an upset little girl who could not understand why the tooth fairy did not visit her ON HER BIRTHDAY, FOR HER FIRST TOOTH. James shoots out of bed and distracts her while I grab his wallet from the nightstand, take a bill (happened to be a 20. Was not in the situation to be able to look for a smaller denomination) and take Alyssa to her room to “look” for the missing dollar. As she pulled back her pillow, I stuffed the 20 into her pillowcase and proudly told my daughter that I found it. She looked at me skeptically, explaining that she had looked all over her bed before she came to wake us up and never found it. James and I were able to smooth it over and began explaining that she received such a LARGE dollar amount because it was her FIRST tooth, that she lost, on her BIRTHDAY!

Second tooth. Well, really, we can only go up from here. Yeah, you would think. So she loses the next tooth the next day (Thank God, so much cuter to have both missing front teeth than just one) and James and I are all about it. There is no way we can screw this up. I tell Alyssa to go put it under her pillow and begin reading to her in the living room, not paying attention to what Jimmy and his buddy are doing. Well, they get curious and want to see what this pillow thing is all about, take the tooth OUT of the little pillow and proceed to lose the tooth (no pun intended). Seriously, they lost the freakin tooth. Now, I have to calm a traumatized big sister who now thinks the Tooth Fairy is never going to visit her because she doesn’t even have a tooth to barter for the money and James and I are coming up with stories left and right. We FINALLY get her calmed down and heading off to dreamland. We have alerts going off on our phone to remind us to have the tooth fairy go and visit and double up on the efforts by having my mom and sister call me to make sure that this indeed happens. Needless to say, she woke up happy and we were able to avert crisis number 2.

This week, Alyssa lost another tooth and one of her teachers placed the tooth in the envelope to take home with her. Very considerate, thank you very much. We go about our afternoon and I call my mom and sister to remind me about the tooth fairy visit. Alyssa writes a sweet note to the tooth fairy and puts the tooth that is in the envelope under her pillow. Seems smooth enough. James and I wait about an hour until she is in a deep sleep before attempting to enter in her room. I grab a 5 out of James wallet and sneak in to her room, my heart pounding like a teenager sneaking back into their room after breaking curfew. Take a few stabilizing breaths and put my very shaky hand under her pillow. Proceed to freak out and run out of the room as soon as she stirs a little bit. James yells at me to get a grip and I go back into the room full steam ahead. Place my still shaky hand under the pillow and feel around a little bit and can’t feel the envelope. She begins to stir around a little bit more and I run, again, out of the room. Wait about 5 minutes and go back in, for the third time mind you, place my still shaking hand (I have seriously got to cut back on the caffeine) and figure out that her head is sleep directly on top of the envelope. Place the 5 dollar bill under the pillow, do not grab the envelope and go out to tell James that we are just going to have to leave the tooth. James’ response, “Oh, I will just do it!”. I silently shoot daggers into him and let him go save the day. As he goes to reach under the pillow and snag the envelope, he happens to push the 5 dollar bill towards the head of her bed which causes it to fall under her bed. Great! See, Alyssa doesn’t have a normal bed, she has a storage bed with drawers underneath the bed so you can’t just lean down and grab it from under the bed. Now James comes out all flustered and pissed and I am pissed and we now have a situation where we have the tooth but no money. Not a great exchange for Alyssa. So now we are searching high and low for another 5 dollar bill, it is 11 o’clock at night, we are pissy, exhausted and determined to not ruin another tooth fairy experience for her. James ends up finding 3 one dollar bills and places it under her pillow. She woke up happy and satisfied and then asked “how come there is no fairy dust on the dollar bills”. Ummm, excuse me, what? What are you talking about? She goes on to explain “Everybody at school says that they have fairy dust on their money, how come my dollars don’t have it?” I couldn’t even come up with a story. Just had to reply “I just don’t know honey,, honestly, I just don’t know”. Make a mental note to sprinkle fairy dust on the dollar bills for the next tooth and move on with the morning.

Well, what do you know. Alyssa comes home from school that day announcing that she has lost another tooth. Really, what are the odds (well, if you have been reading this blog, you know that that odds are pretty high considering we are talking about the Blackwood household.). We go through the entire process, AGAIN, except this time place the tooth where it belongs, in its little tooth pillow that is easy to pull in and out from under a pillow. Grab 3 one dollar bills (can not believe we actually had this on hand) and went in search for glitter. Searched and searched and searched. Pretty sure I threw anything that looked like glitter away a few months ago since that damn stuff will NEVER disappear if it gets on anything, but still searched for over an hour before I said screw it! Grab the tooth, put the money in the pocket and went to bed. Maybe next tooth we will figure it all out!

Mother's Day

Mother’s Day this year was a little different than previous Mother’s Day. I had to work on actual Mother’s Day but decided to spend a day with each of the kids individually on something that they wanted to do with me by themselves. Alyssa really wanted me to chaperone one of her field trips which was the Thursday before Mother’s Day and Jimmy wanted me to go to his school for a Mother’s Day tea which fell on the Friday before Mother’s Day. I felt that the kids would get more of that than doing a brunch at a crazy busy restaurant while the kids fought over who got the most chocolate milk/syrup/peanut butter/(insert gross condiment here) that they could possibly compare and fight over.

Thursday. Field Trip Day. Some parents go to the State Capital on Field trips, some go to a museum. Nope, not for me and my kids. We go to the DUMP. Yep, you read that right, the Dump. It was all based on Earth Day and the impact our trash has on the environment. A cool concept, except that we had 25 1st graders at a Dump. I end up switching cars for the day with James so now I am in our big SUV that I rarely drive. This will become important later on. I have been on many field trips with the kids, but since I have a smaller car, and since the kids are required by law to be in a car seat/booster until they are 16, I have always just driven my kids. Nope, not today. Today, I am going to grab 5 kids and brave the 15 minute drive with kids filled with excitement that only field trip day can bring. So I go to the classroom and get directions from the Teacher and immediately another parent advises me to not follow the directions because some of the roads are closed due to construction. “Just go to the Dump” the other parents tell me. I raised my hand. “Um, excuse me. I am not from here, nor I have ever needed any reason to go to the dump, so I have no idea where the dump is” (This is not just for Eugene, I couldn’t tell you where the dump is in California if my life depended on it). Another parent and a good friend told me not to worry, I could just follow her. Great, got that out of the way. Round up the kids in my group, grab their boosters and head out to the car.

Mistake #1. Not putting the booster chairs in the car while the kids are in the classroom. So I have all the kids come out to the car carrying their booster chairs which I thought was a little weird since no other child in any of the other cars were carrying theirs. Trying to put 5 booster chairs with kids who are anxious to leave and getting into the car is not an easy feat. For some unknown reason, the back seat does not fit 3 boosters, so out goes rule number one. Take Alyssa out of the booster, get the kids all buckled up (an event that took no less than 20 minutes) and we are off. Which leads to…

Mistake #2. Not getting the actual directions to the field trip. We have to make a left hand turn out of the school onto a busy street, which means that it is not easy to follow the people in front of you. I lose the other parents in no less than 20 seconds. Break another rule by having to use the cell phone to find out where I am going. Finally catch up to the other parents and we are all set for our field trip.

Get to the dump and get hit with all of the kids yelling, in unison mind you, “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, it stinks. Ewwwwwwwww what is that smell? Ewwwwwww (insert child’s name) farted” Oh, dear. It is going to be a long day. After a few hours, yep you read that right, a few HOURS at the dump learning all about things that can be recycled and what we are doing to damage our environment, we have to go to location number 2, a 5 minute drive to a recycling place. Get the kids in the car, place myself in the middle of the pact of SUV’s hauling the 1st grade class and we are off.

Mistake #3. Not having any snacks available for the kids to eat. “I am STARVING, Mrs. Blackwood,. I AM STARRRRRRRRRRRVING”. 5 kids yelling on the top of their lungs and I don’t have one thing to offer them. This coincides with Mistake #4.

Mistake #4-See Mistake #2. Not getting directions on how to get to destination number 2. I have to travel no less than 2 miles and somehow I get stopped as the first car in a construction zone. Break another rule again and pick up the cell phone and call….again…to get directions to the new place. Arrive at the 2nd part of the field trip with the whole class anxiously awaiting our arrival so that the rest of the field trip can commence and they are huddled in front of the only parking spot left at the recycling plant. Of course the car next to the only parking spot left is halfway over the line and of course I am driving James car, which I am not familiar with and seems no smaller than a tank, and I attempt to park the car. Ok, first try did not work, lets try this again. Hmmm, ok second try does not work, maybe third time is a charm. Nope third time is not charming at all to say the least, so I call out to my friend to park it for me since she drives said tank everyday. Of course, she gets it in on her first try and now the entire class is more interested in why I had to let somebody else park than listening to the leader explain all about recycling. The leader begins to ask if anybody has any questions and a bunch of hands shoot up. First question “How come Mrs. Blackwood does not know how to drive?”. Ummm, excuse me little girl. I know how to drive, I just evidently do not know how to park. Next question. “Where did Mrs. Blackwood get her drivers license?” Well, now this is getting out of hand. I raised my hand and ask “Is there any questions that do not involve Mrs. Blackwood and her driving skills. All hands fall down. Well, at least I can say I contributed something to this field trip.

Finish up at the recycling place, dropped the kids off at school, silently pledge to myself that I will never chaperone a field trip again and Alyssa turns to me, gives me a big hug, and said she had the best time with me today. Yep, made it all worth it!!!

The next day I arrive at school for Jimmy’s special Mother’s Day luncheon. The Pre-Kindergarten class does it every year and it is one of those special memories. I get to the school, and Jimmy comes up looking especially dapper that day (I actually ironed his clothes for once) and said “I will take you to your seat ma’am.” I smiled and whispered to him he does not have to call me ma’am. (I really despise being called ma’am). “Ok, Ma’am, I will stop calling you ma’am”. He sits me down and serves me a spinach salad with mandarin oranges which he quickly devours off of my plate. Now it is time for the show he puts on for us. The whole class sang a song about how much they love their mom’s. Then it came time for the special “entertainment” where the boys and girls in the class are paired up and they do a “waltz”. Well, Jimmy’s partner was just in the moment, gazing into his eyes, rocking back and forth, and going in for a kiss at any time she could. Jimmy did what any normal 5 year old boy would do, spin her around as fast as he could. It was really a sweet moment, though.
Now comes the final part of the luncheon: The presentation of portrait made by our children and a declaration of love from them. This should be sweet, but is actually very nerve wracking considering Alyssa’s picture of me consisted of a round face, a round body and arms the size of Arnold Swarchenegger circa 1982. I got off easy though. James, the poor bastard, got a round face with, literally, three hairs drawn on the top of the head for his Father’s Day presentation with Alyssa. When reading her declaration of love, Alyssa announced that she loved me because I knew how to walk in heels. Glad I am making such an impact in her life, but I digress. So each child is called up one by one and they proudly hold their portraits for everybody to see and the funny comments read by their child. Jimmy is eventually called to the front. DUM DA DA DUM. Ok, kiddo. Hit me with your best shot. Portrait. Ok, round face, round body seeing a trend. Could possibly be that is the only way my kids know how to draw people, but regardless, there is no way in hell I am eating dessert now. Now it is time for the declaration: “My mom is talented because she knows how to make my lunch”. Ok, that wasn’t so bad but damn, I have got to start doing sports or something and find an actual talent. These said “talents” are sort of embarrassing. Anyway, the day was perfect and a perfect way to spend Mother’s Day with the kids. I just can’t wait to see what Father’s Day brings…

WD40

So I have been trying to keep with 2 of my New Year's Resolutions. 1. To write more and 2. to clean and organize my life. I have been going through my emails that I have saved forever and found this. I find it funny, because I find the information very useful, and feel super motivated to try it out after I have read the email, and then I get distracted and forget about it all over again. You know, sort of like New Year's Resolutions. Maybe if it is on my blog, it will be a constant reminder. Hmmmmm....

WD-40 Well, Who Knew...?



I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD -40 who knew?

Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Voila! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.


Here are some of the uses:

1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains.
8) Loosens stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and clean s roof racks on vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37) Florida's favorite use is: "cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers."
38) The favorite use in the state of New York WD-40 protects the &nbs p;Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no & nbsp; time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40) Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.







P. P. S. I keep a can of WD-40 in my kitchen cabinet over the stove. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.