Mother's Day

Mother’s Day this year was a little different than previous Mother’s Day. I had to work on actual Mother’s Day but decided to spend a day with each of the kids individually on something that they wanted to do with me by themselves. Alyssa really wanted me to chaperone one of her field trips which was the Thursday before Mother’s Day and Jimmy wanted me to go to his school for a Mother’s Day tea which fell on the Friday before Mother’s Day. I felt that the kids would get more of that than doing a brunch at a crazy busy restaurant while the kids fought over who got the most chocolate milk/syrup/peanut butter/(insert gross condiment here) that they could possibly compare and fight over.

Thursday. Field Trip Day. Some parents go to the State Capital on Field trips, some go to a museum. Nope, not for me and my kids. We go to the DUMP. Yep, you read that right, the Dump. It was all based on Earth Day and the impact our trash has on the environment. A cool concept, except that we had 25 1st graders at a Dump. I end up switching cars for the day with James so now I am in our big SUV that I rarely drive. This will become important later on. I have been on many field trips with the kids, but since I have a smaller car, and since the kids are required by law to be in a car seat/booster until they are 16, I have always just driven my kids. Nope, not today. Today, I am going to grab 5 kids and brave the 15 minute drive with kids filled with excitement that only field trip day can bring. So I go to the classroom and get directions from the Teacher and immediately another parent advises me to not follow the directions because some of the roads are closed due to construction. “Just go to the Dump” the other parents tell me. I raised my hand. “Um, excuse me. I am not from here, nor I have ever needed any reason to go to the dump, so I have no idea where the dump is” (This is not just for Eugene, I couldn’t tell you where the dump is in California if my life depended on it). Another parent and a good friend told me not to worry, I could just follow her. Great, got that out of the way. Round up the kids in my group, grab their boosters and head out to the car.

Mistake #1. Not putting the booster chairs in the car while the kids are in the classroom. So I have all the kids come out to the car carrying their booster chairs which I thought was a little weird since no other child in any of the other cars were carrying theirs. Trying to put 5 booster chairs with kids who are anxious to leave and getting into the car is not an easy feat. For some unknown reason, the back seat does not fit 3 boosters, so out goes rule number one. Take Alyssa out of the booster, get the kids all buckled up (an event that took no less than 20 minutes) and we are off. Which leads to…

Mistake #2. Not getting the actual directions to the field trip. We have to make a left hand turn out of the school onto a busy street, which means that it is not easy to follow the people in front of you. I lose the other parents in no less than 20 seconds. Break another rule by having to use the cell phone to find out where I am going. Finally catch up to the other parents and we are all set for our field trip.

Get to the dump and get hit with all of the kids yelling, in unison mind you, “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, it stinks. Ewwwwwwwww what is that smell? Ewwwwwww (insert child’s name) farted” Oh, dear. It is going to be a long day. After a few hours, yep you read that right, a few HOURS at the dump learning all about things that can be recycled and what we are doing to damage our environment, we have to go to location number 2, a 5 minute drive to a recycling place. Get the kids in the car, place myself in the middle of the pact of SUV’s hauling the 1st grade class and we are off.

Mistake #3. Not having any snacks available for the kids to eat. “I am STARVING, Mrs. Blackwood,. I AM STARRRRRRRRRRRVING”. 5 kids yelling on the top of their lungs and I don’t have one thing to offer them. This coincides with Mistake #4.

Mistake #4-See Mistake #2. Not getting directions on how to get to destination number 2. I have to travel no less than 2 miles and somehow I get stopped as the first car in a construction zone. Break another rule again and pick up the cell phone and call….again…to get directions to the new place. Arrive at the 2nd part of the field trip with the whole class anxiously awaiting our arrival so that the rest of the field trip can commence and they are huddled in front of the only parking spot left at the recycling plant. Of course the car next to the only parking spot left is halfway over the line and of course I am driving James car, which I am not familiar with and seems no smaller than a tank, and I attempt to park the car. Ok, first try did not work, lets try this again. Hmmm, ok second try does not work, maybe third time is a charm. Nope third time is not charming at all to say the least, so I call out to my friend to park it for me since she drives said tank everyday. Of course, she gets it in on her first try and now the entire class is more interested in why I had to let somebody else park than listening to the leader explain all about recycling. The leader begins to ask if anybody has any questions and a bunch of hands shoot up. First question “How come Mrs. Blackwood does not know how to drive?”. Ummm, excuse me little girl. I know how to drive, I just evidently do not know how to park. Next question. “Where did Mrs. Blackwood get her drivers license?” Well, now this is getting out of hand. I raised my hand and ask “Is there any questions that do not involve Mrs. Blackwood and her driving skills. All hands fall down. Well, at least I can say I contributed something to this field trip.

Finish up at the recycling place, dropped the kids off at school, silently pledge to myself that I will never chaperone a field trip again and Alyssa turns to me, gives me a big hug, and said she had the best time with me today. Yep, made it all worth it!!!

The next day I arrive at school for Jimmy’s special Mother’s Day luncheon. The Pre-Kindergarten class does it every year and it is one of those special memories. I get to the school, and Jimmy comes up looking especially dapper that day (I actually ironed his clothes for once) and said “I will take you to your seat ma’am.” I smiled and whispered to him he does not have to call me ma’am. (I really despise being called ma’am). “Ok, Ma’am, I will stop calling you ma’am”. He sits me down and serves me a spinach salad with mandarin oranges which he quickly devours off of my plate. Now it is time for the show he puts on for us. The whole class sang a song about how much they love their mom’s. Then it came time for the special “entertainment” where the boys and girls in the class are paired up and they do a “waltz”. Well, Jimmy’s partner was just in the moment, gazing into his eyes, rocking back and forth, and going in for a kiss at any time she could. Jimmy did what any normal 5 year old boy would do, spin her around as fast as he could. It was really a sweet moment, though.
Now comes the final part of the luncheon: The presentation of portrait made by our children and a declaration of love from them. This should be sweet, but is actually very nerve wracking considering Alyssa’s picture of me consisted of a round face, a round body and arms the size of Arnold Swarchenegger circa 1982. I got off easy though. James, the poor bastard, got a round face with, literally, three hairs drawn on the top of the head for his Father’s Day presentation with Alyssa. When reading her declaration of love, Alyssa announced that she loved me because I knew how to walk in heels. Glad I am making such an impact in her life, but I digress. So each child is called up one by one and they proudly hold their portraits for everybody to see and the funny comments read by their child. Jimmy is eventually called to the front. DUM DA DA DUM. Ok, kiddo. Hit me with your best shot. Portrait. Ok, round face, round body seeing a trend. Could possibly be that is the only way my kids know how to draw people, but regardless, there is no way in hell I am eating dessert now. Now it is time for the declaration: “My mom is talented because she knows how to make my lunch”. Ok, that wasn’t so bad but damn, I have got to start doing sports or something and find an actual talent. These said “talents” are sort of embarrassing. Anyway, the day was perfect and a perfect way to spend Mother’s Day with the kids. I just can’t wait to see what Father’s Day brings…