Random Thoughts from People Our Age

I got this email and it had me laughing and falling off my chair because I identified with so many of the "thoughts". Here are just a few thoughts from people our age:

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. (Even with mapquest and navigation, I inevitably get lost and wind up in a bad neighborhood)

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. (I wish this did not describe me as accurately as it does, but unfortunately, it is true)

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong. (This rarely happens, so I really can't relate)

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink
to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint
and sticks when they've invented the lighter? (I second that)

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going
in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from
which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that
no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk. (I do this ALL THE TIME. Again, my sense of directions always leads me the wrong way and I always try to play it off.)

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not
to be friends with? (Nope, it is not just you. Then, you get a request and don't want to be a b*tch for declining and acting like you are 16 again, but you really don't want to hear how unbelievably perfect life is for said person, or you try to be nice and get past high school and try to post a greeting on the person's wall you did not want to be friends with in the first place and you get no response. Sometimes I just want to write on the wall, "I know you want to look at my pictures and I want to look at your pictures and we will leave it at that". Think that would make life a hell of a lot more easier!)

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how
to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We
just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. (I so did that. I also jerked the control up and down and side to side to try to give Mario that EXTRA jump to get that coin. I think my actions led somebody to eventually create the Wii, but I have no way to prove it)

-There is a great need for sarcasm font. (I agree. but in the mean time I will continue to use paranthesis and italize my words)

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly
realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. (Grease and Dirty Dancing come to mind. Basically my favorite movies growing up and really, the point of both movies is slut it up and you will get the guy. What a great coming of age story)

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes
stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right
parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond
earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. (StepBrothers for me)

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (I just crumple it together because I thought I would really never need to know how to fold that stupid sheet. The first day on the job at Pottery Barn they asked me to fold a bunch of fitted sheets. Ummm, I know I have a college degree, but I can't even begin to fake trying to fold those things. I just kind of stuffed it in a bag and hoped nobody would notice!)

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (This comes from experience from anybody who has had to climb stairs to their apartments)

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die. (I don't really do that much on my computer, but would probably be embarrassed if anybody knew how many times in a day I logged on to Perez Hilton)

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish
a text. (Just did this today)

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread
of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. (I really need to start playing Beer Pong again. While I am at it, maybe add a little Bullsh*t and Never have I ever. That should lead to some interesting conversations...How would you play Never have I ever as a mom? Use the statement, Never have I ever given birth vaginally and see which women drink? That sounds like fun.)

- Was learning cursive really necessary? (Only for your signature)

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have
nothing else to say". (Lucky I even know what LOL means)

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. (The story of my life)

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying. (I would sometimes change one answer so that they weren't all in a row)

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing
as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the
name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy,
bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". (Yeah, I don't know too many people who have had to survive the mean streets of wherever and get by on some skills)

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? (This always happens to me when somebody with an accent begins talking to me. I always answer "yes", and more often times than not, it was not a yes or no question)

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! (No matter how sh*tty a day is, when this happens it instantly brightens my world)

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples,
I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today
I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's
G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" (Seriously fell off my chair on this one. I have got A as in Apple down and after that, totally screwed. Come up with the most random things too, as in B as in....bratwurst)

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively
swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower
first and THEN turn on the water. (My shower has to run for at least 5 minutes so that there is absolutely no cold water anywhere coming through!)

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever. (nope, I disagree here. Wash it all. Even if you just tried it on and you don't want to deal with actually hanging up the pants, throw it in the laundry to you can avoid it until later)

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight
woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night." (Best...Phrase...Ever)

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. (Before I had kids)

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile
is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder
BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible. (How many people read this sentence and started humming "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?")

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around
and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?
Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... (Oh my God this could not describe me better...I am like, ok, do I say the whole name or just the first name. Where I am from, you mean city I was born, State, current district I live in...what. Then there always seems to be the obligitory "And name your favorite hobby" Who the f has time for a damn hobby?)

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when
you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive
for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want
to have to restart my collection. ( I am on record right here to ignore anything past DVD's)

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I
did not make any changes to. (I just keep hitting save for fear of total loss to my work)

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash
this ever. (Seriously have a red top that has been in my laundry basket for over a year because the cleaners won't take it saying it is too complicated and I have no idea where to even begin)

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me
if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's
only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we
still be friends after this?' (I have these internal conversations almost daily, but then I get mad and start thinking in my head, who cares if they don't like it, they can just leave Dammit! Then I feel guilty for thinking that. My life is complicated)

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!),
but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? (Pretty much happens daily when calling my mom)

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. (That is why I tend to look like sh*t most days of the week and get all dolled up for special occasions. I get the statment "Wow, you really clean up well" almost everytime.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't
already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. (At the gym I am constantly changing my songs to my "absolute favorite" songs instead of just "my favorite songs".)

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed
for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but
no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (Anybody who knows me know how true this is for me. Think it started when a bicyclist went through my windshield, but I could be wrong...)

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. (Yeah, why do they call it that? Like everybody who is thinking of entering parenthood decides to get all of their information from a free clinic)

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer
when they call. (I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone in case it is ever stolen, I look popular)

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but
I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...(I can never find my keys, but can always find the snooze button. )

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? (This literally occurs everyday in my car, but my kids ask more scientifc questions like"How come there are clouds in the sky some days and none on others? I feel like telling them "You will learn about that in 7th grade, study it, repeat it on a test, and completely forget the answer by the next week and never need to know the answer to that question again until you have children and they ask pointless, err, creative questions" Usually I just say "I don't know, ask your father"

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on <http://cnn.com/> CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive
behind obeys the speed limit. (Coming from the family I do, I know some of them would drive the posted speed limit on the bay bridge and cause huge traffic jams while laughing the whole way. It's funnier when you know the people)

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they
had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at
the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such
a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing
like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner. (This happens every time I go to Taco Bell)