Wakeboarding

This summer we were fortunate enough to be invited a bunch of times on different boats various friends of ours own (this has also led to a very serious conversation in which James does not feel that we can go one more summer without owning a boat!). Wanting my children to be able to experience everything that they can, I pushed them to get on the wave runners, tubes, and water skis. For the most part, they loved it all, but Alyssa got a big rush of water up her nose when trying to water ski which led her to get mad and lash out at me (honestly, I just have no idea where she gets this from). After telling her to get back up again and not give up, she yelled (rather haughtily I might add) "Well I don't ever see you doing this!". Oh, Miss Priss, them some fighting words right there.

So we drop off all the children, grab a drink (essential for a day on the boat) and watch my friend Teresa hop in the water with the wakeboard on and get up like it is no big thing. Well, if she can do it, surely it can’t be that difficult. Well Teresa decides that she is finished with wakeboarding and drops into the water. I was the Orange Flag Girl (sure there is a specific name like "spotter" or something sensible like that, but we are going to go with Orange Flag Girl) and like the "experienced" boater that I am forget to hold up the flag. I mean really, there is only one job an Orange Flag Girl has to do and I am failing at it. This does not speak well for me getting into the water. Anyhoo, my friends Kendra, Steve and Teresa all decide that now it is my turn to go wakeboarding. This should not be too hard. I hand the camera to Kendra ask her to take pictures after I get up (really, if I only knew what the day had in store for me this would have been funnier) and try to get my feet in the wakeboard. Steve is giving me instructions which I am only half listening (a regret I will have later), when I think he realizes just how inexperienced I am. Here is how the conversation went:

Steve: "So this is going to feel very similar to snowboarding

Steph: "Uh yeah, never snowboarded"

Steve: "OK, what about water skiing?"

Steph: "Nope, never did that either"

Steve: "What about skateboarding"

Steph: "Steve, what about me screams I have ever been to a skate park or ridden a skateboard before"?

Steve: "Good Point. OK, lets just focus on you getting up first"

Steph: "Hahahahaha"

I would like to remind everybody that I am still on the boat at this point. So I am trying to get into the water in this scooting motion because my feet are trapped into this board. Seriously, do you have any idea how trapped a person feels without the use of their legs while going into the water. Not a great feeling! So I get into the water (read: fall in) and I am literally face down into the water and can not get flipped over. As I patiently listen to the snickers coming from the boat and from shore, I put my brave face on show everybody what a good sport I am (actually I yelled out to everybody to shut the f up before I kicked all of their a**es, but I like this new version of the story better). Steve is telling me to use my hips to get me to flip over and after about 100 tries I finally flip over onto my back. Ok. I am ready (and seriously reconsidering the 4 drinks that I have already had at this point). Steve yells for me to get my knees to my chest, hold my arms out straight, and just let the boat guide me. Really, how hard can that be? Well let me tell you, Pretty Damn Hard! I yell out "Ready" and Steve gets the boat moving. Now, I don't know what I was expecting when holding a rope to a large boat with an even larger motor, but I really was not expecting the force that hit me so suddenly. And then I fell face first even more suddenly. Holy shock, now I know what that water up the nose thing Alyssa was complaining about. It is really, not until then, that I realized how important the job of Orange Flag Girl is. As I was submerged into the water while waiting for the boat to pick me up while other boats are wizzing by made me realize real quick the job of Orange Flag Girl. Kendra and Teresa are sitting on the nice (dry, pain free) boat and I am screaming at them to get the damn orange flag up before I am ran over by a boat. This would be my luck. Killed by another boat while trying to get up on the wakeboard. So as I use my arms to try to swim towards the boat, Steve throws the rope to me and tells me to do it again. I don't want to do this again! Besides that public embarrassment that I have endured that is both real and horrifying, now I have to go through the torture of being whipped around by the boat. No way. Too bad my friends weren't having that attitude and took me along for ride number two. If you are really interested to see how it went, read about ride number 1. This literally went on for about 1 hour and I begged to stop. I finally announced that this was going to be my last time since it felt like I had water swimming around in my brain and my body was filled with bruises from hitting the water so hard. Let me tell you, after an hour and 100 tugs from the boat, I found some determination somewhere deep inside of me that forced myself to get up on that damn wakeboard (it was either that or the fact that the 5 year old next to me on a different boat got up on her first try). So I listened to everything Steve had told me, closed my eyes and Holy Sh*t, I got up, I am up, I am....down! But I don't care, I got up and the best part of it, Kendra took the picture at the exact second that I was up! (unfortunatly, I can't figure out how to zoom in and save it so it just looks like a far away person wakeboarding) Life was good.
We finished up the day with a few more drinks and a wild ride on the tube with my two girlfriends and me swearing I would be doing this again soon. That was until I tried to open the car door at the end of the evening and figured out just what 100 tugs on the rope trying to wakeboard does to your arms. Let us all hope that there is an update next summer with a full ride to report! Though I must add, that if Steve, Teresa and Kendra were not so patient there is no way I would have continued to try.