On March 17, 2009 I lost one of the most influential and positive people in my life. My grandfather was an amazing man who was very sharp and self sufficient to the end. He had a heart of gold and a beautiful outlook on life. I got to speak to him every night on the phone and we would just talk about the mundane things like the weather, different sport scores, people in the family, etc. When I first moved away from the Bay to Eugene he was one of my first visitors. He rode on a plane to come see me, only the third one in his almost 90 years at this point. We spent many vacations with him in Lake Tahoe where he loved to go and stay out all night gambling. One of my favorite memories was him wheeling my drunk husband to the couch after my husband had one too many at the casinos (James was draped over my grandfather's walker while my grandfather pushed. It truly was a sight to see!). This past August, my grandfather, along with my cousin, my husband, and myself went to the casinos and ended up staying out all night when he hit a lucky machine. It was pure joy to see the look of happiness on his face. During that trip, he fell ill and found it hard to catch his breath. We thought that it may have been the altitude but it ended up that he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. This was really the beginning of the end. He lasted 7 more months and got to enjoy spinning around the neighborhood in his electric scooter and hanging out with the family during the holidays and his birthday but he did not feel good.
A few weeks before my birthday I got a call from him as usual just talking about our day. It was
around 8pm. The next morning my mother called me to tell me that grandpa was sent to the hospital with chest pains. He was diagnosed with gallstones and operated on. He was in the hospital for over 4 weeks and never recovered.On March 12th I received the phone call that I was dreading. It was time to go home and say goodbye to my grandfather. It was by far the most difficult trip I have ever taken. My sister called me up and tried to prepare me, but you are never prepared for anything like this. I walked into his big beautiful room and he immediately looked my way and said "Why hello Dollface". I broke down in tears, grabbed his hand and said some silent prayers. At that point, my parents and my aunts/uncles/majority of my cousins were out in the waiting room visiting with each other. It was my cousins Michael, Angeline and myself that were in there. Each of us were the oldest siblings in our families. It was very quiet and a little dark as we whispered to each other about how grandpa was doing. I quickly realized that his last moment was near and that I wanted him to go knowing how much I loved him and how much he meant to my life. We got to have a few little conversations and then I began asking him about my favorite stories (how he met my grandmother, the time he crashed a car at the age of 12 which caused him to never drive again, the time he threw a cat out a second story window...we loved his stories). I spent the night with him along with my Aunt Stella, my mother and my cousin Angeline. We had a little scare with my cousin Terra who was sent to the ER but that is a story for another day:). During the middle of the night I got onto my phone and tried to reach my cousin Matthew to make sure he knew how serious our grandfather was and wanted him to be able to talk to him. I sent a message to him on Facebook, and as luck would have it, he got the message right away and called us. He lives in Spain so contact is not always that easy. Matthew got to speak to my grandfather on the phone and he made reservations immediately to get home to see grandpa. Grandpa promised to hold on until he got there.
We all slept about 1 hour that night and was at my grandfathers bedside the entire time. At around 10am the visitors began to pour in. I can not even begin to tell you how much this man was loved. There literally was no room in that wing of the hospital to hold all of the visitors. All of his grandchildren, his daughters and son-in-laws, nieces, nephews, neighbors, etc were there. He
loved having all of his visitors and talking to them about day to day stuff. There were almost times where I thought to myself "Is this really happening?" It was surreal. By 7pm fatigue began to hit big time and my grandfather, always concerned about others well being, asked that I go home with my father and get some rest. I was so scared to leave because I felt that if I was there, he would not go, but the family told me I needed to rest or else risk getting sick. I went back to my parents house (missing some Springer action when a nurse at the hospital made a heartless comment about my grandfather and my cousins stepped in) and slept a few hours and woke up to the phone ringing. My heart dropped to my stomach as I picked up the phone. It was my mom. She said she had a great time with her sisters at the hospital that night and grandpa had asked to celebrate St. Patricks Day early because he did not think he was going to make it to that day (It was March 14th). We gathered up decorations and hit the hospital for another day of visiting. We decorated his room with beads and st.paddy's decorations and began to visit with my grandfather and all of his visitors that came through again. My cousin's plane was coming in from Spain and he was scheduled to get into the hospital room by 4pm. My grandfather slept a lot more that day and his breaths became a lot more labored. We all prayed that he would hold on to see Matthew. Watching the clock was almost as agonizing as watching my grandfather. 4 o'clock hit and Matthew came in the door. He was so happy to see him and then he closed his eyes. Oh God, is this it? This can't be it. We all formed a circle around him, bawling like babies, saying personal prayers for a few minutes. Then grandpa opened his eyes and said "Wow, look at all of those beautiful faces". It was a humorous moment during a very tense time. We all broke away and began visiting with him and everybody else who was around. My cousin Alexia asked my grandfather how he was feeling. My grandfather replied "I feel beautiful, relaxed, well rested". It was a great moment. Later on that evening, my grandfather began to see things. I was sitting directly across from him when he looked out and said that he saw God. He had the most peaceful look on his face and we began to ask questions. At that exact moment, the window behind me whipped open and a huge gust of air hit me square on the back. I have never been so scarred in my life. My sister, my cousin Kristy and my cousin Sheila all looked at each other like "What the hell was that"? I swear if my grandfather had passed away at that exact moment I would have fainted right there. Alas, it was not that dramatic. Time went on and as the evening got later (and we had to endure being locked in my grandfathers room after a false fire alarm went off) my dad told me it was time to go. Again, I said my goodbyes, believing that he was not going to make it through the night. Again, it was not his time.Sunday morning I woke up and my dad asked me to make reservations to head home. He believed that it was time to get back to my family as my husband had a huge business trip that just could not be missed. I refused to make the reservations until I went to see my grandfather. That day was a lot harder than the previous days. He was a lot more tired, slept more often and began to have coughing spasms. It began to be painful to watch though he swore to us that he was not in pain when we asked him. My dad made the reservations and my time was coming to a close. I honestly can not remember a time in my life where I cried harder or longer than on that day. This was it. No going back. I knew that this was officially my goodbye. I woke him up to say my farwell (may seem selfish, but I wanted him to know that I was leaving). He told me that he loved me, told me that I was a good mom and a good person and then asked if I needed help financially with my flight home. He was such a giving person. I left the hospital nearly hyperventilating (as I am doing now writing this) and went to the airport. I don't know if it was my lack of luggage, my tear streaked face, or my guardian angel but I was sent through special lines were there was no wait. I got home at midnight fearing the inevitable phone call.
The next day (March 16th) I did not receive such phone call. I received it at 8 am on Tuesday, March 17th. Though I was emotional, I did not reach the hysterics that I had expereinced on that Sunday saying goodbye. I like to think that I had finally made peace with his passing. I do know that those last 4 days played a huge part in my life and how I treat my life. He lived a wonderful life and now I truely believe he was finally at peace with my grandfather and his parents/siblings who had proceeded him in death. He also passed on the day that he had hoped.
Side note: For anybody else reading this, I appreciate it. I mainly did this post for myself so that I may remember those last 4 days while they are relatively fresh in my memory. Below is the Euglogy that my sister and I wrote a night before the Rosary. We read it at the Rosary as well as at the funeral. I hope that it adequatly describes that man that we loved so much.
EULOGY written and presented by myself and my sister.
Our Grandfather
To try to define our grandfather in just a few words is an impossible task. He was a beautiful, inspirational and loving man. He had an incredible heart that accepted everyone that was around him. Anybody who ever spent any time with him knows that he lit up a room with just his presense. No matter his age, he never lost his sense of humor. His laughter was contagious and his smile could melt hearts. He loved everybody and he was loved by all.
Our grandfather was a simple man. He never needed designer clothes or the newest toy. He just wanted his family and friends to have a good life and be worry free. He had so much love for others and he was so overwhelmingly loved by all. He was by far the most giving person that we have ever encountered into our lives. If he had a dollar and you were in trouble, he would give you 95 cents. That other nickle he would save in case you needed it down the road. His dream was to win the lottery one day, not for himself, but to make sure that his family was provided for. He would literally give you the jacket or sweater off his back no matter how cold it was outside. We know because he did this for us often. Having a person around him be uncomfortable was worse for him that he being cold.
He was fiercly dedicated to his family and friends. Anybody who knows him knows the story of his undying love for my grandmother that never wavered. He always spoke of his 3 girls and of his children and grandchildren. He was as much a part of our lives as our parents are. He came to see us off to prom and off to college. He was there for Sunday dinners where he got to know our future husbands and share stories of his childhood. He was there on our wedding days to give the most beautiful speech about love, dedication, perserverance and the ups and downs in a marriage. When we were in labor, he was right there in the waiting room, at times waiting all through the night. He was there when you needed a phone call and he was ALWAYS there if you needed to let off some steam and go to the casinos. He was there to evaluate the latest on American Idol or to give you sporting advice. We were so lucky because he was always there.
He was a grandfather to us, but he was a grandfather to all. His days as a crossing guard were some of the happiest times of his life. He loved all of the children and protected them as if they were his own. He would jump out in front of a car and blow his whistle to make sure all of the children were safe and he would make up songs on his whistle just to get smiles from all of the children. His dedication was even once featured on KTVU news on his impact for the school.
He was a grandfather to us, but he was a grandfather to all. His days as a crossing guard were some of the happiest times of his life. He loved all of the children and protected them as if they were his own. He would jump out in front of a car and blow his whistle to make sure all of the children were safe and he would make up songs on his whistle just to get smiles from all of the children. His dedication was even once featured on KTVU news on his impact for the school.
This is a person that will never be forgotten and forever loved. There are so many things to remember him by, and we recommend doing some of these things to keep his spirit alive:
- Tell everyone about your undying love for your wife
- Show a picture of yourself and tell the person you are showing it to not to faint after seeing how handsome you were
-Always bet the maximum on a slot machine. Search for a quarter if there are only 2 credits left because if you don't, that is when you will hit the jackpot
- Wash your hands before and after, and sometimes during a meal
- Check experiation dates on everything including can goods, vitamins and chips
-Make up words in foreign language and then make up what it means when your grandchildren ask.
- Stay up watching informercials and order what you see fit. Find the need for an ab roller, treadmill, electric broom or sandwich maker at the age of 85.
- Find a sweater that you love and wear it for 30 years.
- Call a daughter, granddaughter, niece or friend "dollface".
- Take public transportation.
-Take a spin on a scooter
- Start a story saying "I'm not B S ing you" and follow it with an embellished story
-Find the highest SPF lotion out there and put in on religiously (and make sure everyone around you has it on as well)
-Listen to spanish music on the radio even if you don't understand a word that they are saying
-Call your children and grandchildren, nieces and friends everynight to find out
-What they ate for dinner
-How the weather is in the town that they live in (even if it is a few blocks away)
- Who to vote for on American Idol
- Make sure that you are watching sports if American Idol was not on.
-Always satisfy your sweet tooth with crunch bars, almond rocha, butter cookies or rocky road ice cream.
- Tell your friends that they are family and tell strangers that they are friends
- Take a walk in your neighborhood and greet everyone you see.
-Trip your granddaughter with your cane in order to get an egg during the annual easter egg hunt
- Never leave home without your wet wipes and always offer them to those around.
